Denial- the purpose and the prison.

Life would be so much easier if “Da Nile” was just a river in Africa. Unfortunately denial is a very powerful tool that prevents healing, destroys trust and prolongs suffering for both people struggling with pain and those who love them. Yet denial serves a purpose and that purpose is to protect against pain.  


Nobody likes emotional pain. We try to avoid it, we ignore it, deny it, we cover it up or we do what we can to medicate it. All of these coping mechanisms serve a purpose to minimise or numb pain. But unless that pain is dealt with, it will always be there and become entrenched in our psyche. The pain will become part of our programming that affects our relationships, the way we deal with conflict and stress. It will rob us of living.


We all have agents or coping mechanisms all with varying degrees of consequences and social acceptability. When those consequences become destructive to oneself and others, when they interfere with daily functioning, responsibilities and relationships, then those coping mechanisms  become agents of codependency or addictions. 


Acknowledging that the coping mechanism is a problem would mean that it needs to be stopped. It means that pain has to be faced and that the pain will be felt again without the medication. Our comfort will be removed. So we deny the problem. We deny the extent of what we are doing, because if we minimize it, it “is not so bad” and then we don’t have to give it up. We avoid the consequences by protecting that which protects us from our pain. 

That is the purpose of denial, denial protects our pain management agent. Denial avoids facing further pain and unfortunately the healing we so desperately desire. 


Healing and healthier living begins with acknowledging what needs to change. Realising that the agents that we are protecting may have served a purpose but have now become a prison. 


So what are your coping mechanisms? How do you manage your pain or disillusionment?  What are the impacts of that on yourself and those around you? Examine the list below of cyber related coping mechanisms, and if you can accept that any of these are potential agents of pain management in your life, you may need help to manage them. If you do, contact us for a tailored solution to a healthier life.


Cyber/internet related coping mechanisms



Social media


Streaming series or movies

Working after hours


If you need help with online addiction recovery, click here.

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